Truth be told

So...it has been a while to say the least. It has been a big adjustment with Audrey starting school, most days I am still sad about it...which is why I haven't been in a "bloggy" mood for a while. She is getting more friends, and she is really enjoying her mandatory electives (dance, drama, art, science, PE, and music). She still does not like her teacher (still not a huge fan myself...but I remain positive about him for Audrey's sake). It just breaks my heart in so many different ways. Like, knowing that I am dropping her off at a school where she doesn't feel any love from her teacher, and she is constantly talking about how much she hates school. Her growing up, this is the first major step of her inevitable independence from me. If only this was half day kindergarten, if only I had just ONE more year to have Audrey in the house. If only she had a different teacher (not that her teacher is awful, she is learning things, but he is definitely not the nurturing type)...

I feel a lot of guilt and confusion. I can't help but think of how the situation could be different. I am constantly arguing with myself. Should I try to get her switched to a different teacher? Should we move to a better area to get her into a better school, or would pulling her out of her school half way through the year be more damaging? I know that she would miss all of the extra classes that her school offers if she switched schools, and I know that it is difficult to get students switched to a different teacher with out a good reason (and I know that we do not have a strong case).

There are some good things, like Audrey has gotten praise from a few different teachers about her artwork (which is REALLY good!), her science teacher is wonderful and Audrey loves her, Audrey is always showing me new dances that she learns in school (which is soo cute!). Things are definitely getting better as time passes.

My relationship with Audrey was really strained for the last few months as well. During the summer she started to be more insistent on wearing clothes that she picked out. I love Audrey, but we really do not agree on fashion. She loves to wear the UGLIEST things in her dresser. I like her to wear cute clothes (gasp!). Once school started things got a little out of control. I do not understand where she comes from because I ALWAYS wanted to dress in style, I knew what hair styles looked good, I knew what accessories were popular, and I have always wanted to look my best. Audrey's idea of what she'd like to wear to school is: high water, tapered, faux corduroy, elastic waist, saggy butt, navy blue pants pulled up no less than 6 inches above her belly button (which usually...always...results in a wedgie), paired with her bright pink crocs, and a hanes T-shirt that she painted last year, and she would be totally happy if I let her walk around with her bed hair (rat's nest). Needless to say there were many mornings before school that both me and her would literally be screaming at each other. Things have calmed down significantly, I have started the process of learning to accept the fact that my daughter has...ahem...very different taste than I do (even if I do not understand it) When I was younger I would have loved it if my Mom had made me flower headbands, and hair bows, and earrings, and necklaces, bought me knee high brown boots that make a clicking sound, and of course stylish clothes. I never considered that I would have a daughter that did not appreciate those things.

So in a nutshell, the above is my explanation for my long absence from blogging. My relationship with Audrey is on the mend, and I am feeling much better about that. Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things.